Updated: May 4
She knows what regret tastes like, she knows regret is nothing but a dark and twisted companion.
To outsiders, Rosaleen seems like a very reserved person, the few people who are in her life will tell you, she is someone who seems to be cold at first. But Rosaleen is someone caring once you get to know the person inside. You can see how she feels everything deeply, how she loves with not only her heart, but all of her soul too. She has made sure the outside world won’t know about it, and only those close to her do. The walls she built around herself shut off the world and ensured she could live in her own.
People around her seemed to always need a lot of things in their lives to be happy when all she needed was a good book and sitting on the bench in front of her window, with only the sound of the rain falling. Bringing her heart peace, and her tears welcome if she ever shed some. The only movements disrupting the calm of her happy place would be when Rosaleen needed to readjust her reading glasses and the turning of her book's pages. She would sometimes close her eyes and smile at what happened in her book and then bring it closer to her face, reading it more intensely. Rosaleen would forget about everything and realize it was three in the morning when accidently glancing up at the clock. She would then reluctantly close her book and take her glasses off. Going to the bathroom to get bed ready, looking at herself in the mirror she’d sigh with a dreamy look in her eyes, ‘oh how I wish I could just live in my favorite books.’ She would shake her head at how silly she sounded, turn the lights off and close the door behind her. While still thinking about her book, Rosaleen would go to the kitchen and fill a glass with water and walk to her bedroom, putting her glass on the nightstand next to her bed before taking up her forgotten phone and check her notifications. She would see a text from her friend, Tegan, sent hours ago.
“Hm. I think that I might be falling in love with another fictional character.”
Rosaleen would laugh at it and shake her head.
“And yet another one! Why am I not even surprised?”
The answer would come back almost instantly.
“Shut up! This time I think it’s for real…”
She would roll her eyes, lock her phone, and put it on the nightstand, charging it. Finally settling comfortably in her bed, facing the window to watch the rain fall peacefully.
Rosaleen had learned how to be content, how to find serenity in little things and how to get through hard times. Over the years she had come to learn the answers to questions life had forced her to face, but there is one thing Rosaleen could never find an answer to: does she herself know what happiness feels like? She knew what it felt like to be crushed with memories and reminders, bringing her back to her past. She knew what it was like to be forced to face feelings you didn’t want to have in the beginning, feelings she has been hiding for a long time. She used to think she knew about forever, but now not anymore. Used to believe in happy ever after, but now found the concept of forever depressing and sad. If forever truly existed, she didn’t want it, Rosaleen wanted today and tomorrow and would go on like this for as long as she was able to. She reached serenity, but with every great loss, comes grief, and Rosaleen knew a little too much about grief.